You okay?
l-- lt's just not what l expected.
What's taken you so long to come back?
Guess l was ashamed.
Everybody expected so much from me.
Everyone believed in me.
At least my dad did.
He gave me this when l left.
l never could get the damn thing running.
lt's funny. lt's like time stopped for me when l left this town.
He taught me a lot out here.
l got word he died about 10 years ago.
l didn't even have the nerve to come back for the funeral.
Well, your old man would be proud.
Here you are, passing all that bowling knowledge on to lshmael.
No, he wouldn't be proud.
Let's go find that kid.
l sure hope you make enough money out in Reno...
to save that town of yours.
Oh, thanks, Miss Tabitha.
- Time to settle up. - ls that eight hours already?
This shift just flew by.
This lap dancing's so much fun, l feel like l should be the one paying you.
- Gee, mister, l didn't know! - Didn't know?
No, please, sir! Please!
l-l can work it off. l'm pretty good with a needle and thread.
l can knit. l can sew the girls' costumes when they get frayed.
No, sir, please! l'll do anything! Anything! Please!
Anything?
Come here.
What do you think about new beginnings?
What is that? The feminine hygiene spray?
You and me, starting over.
Yeah.
l like that.
- Longish hair. Yeah. Down that way. - Weird guy?
Uncle Willee's Snake Farm.
Yeah, he was here. l offered him a job, a good job.
You think that guy took it?
He didn't take it. The wimp is afraid of snakes.
Son of a bitch, you're going in my soup.
Thank you.
Have you seen a big Amish guy come through here...
40-ish, stocky, sort of friendly?
Kind of stupid?
Well, naive.
Feast your eyes.
Get in! Come on! Get a move on!
- Nobody quits in the middle of a show! - Sons of bitches!
l don't understand how you can still be mad at us. We just saved your butt.
l heard what you were saying about me, about each other.
l thought we were partners, but l guess l was wrong.
lt's tough out there, all right?
The world can kick your ass.
l only have a vague recollection of when it wasn't kicking mine.
l guess that's why Claudia and l were fighting.
We both had a rotten run of it for awhile.
You get hurt over and over again, you stop trusting people...
so you don't get hurt again.
Look, if you really want to end this, we'll drop you off wherever you want.
lf you want to go on...
from here on out, we're all gonna work together as a team.
And no more bullshitting. l promise.
You remember what it says in the Bible about not forgiving, right?
l know exactly what it says.
lt's against it, right?
"Jeffersons On lce"! Look at that. l love Sherman Helmsley!
What's this?
- What is that? - lt's a tattoo. Relax.
How could you let me do this?
l don't know. l don't remember a thing. The whole night's a blur to me.
l've committed a sin.
l've desecrated my body. Can't go home now.
No, can't go home.
lt'll come right off. lt'll burn off in a jiffy.
Hey, this isn't so bad.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
You are going to give me $100,000 on the line...
and a $50,000 yell, okay?
Hey, top-heavy, give me a Tiparillo and a sake and seltzer, s'il vous plait.
Okay. Here we go. Come on! Do it to me!
Yeah, right. Overshot. All right.
No, it's okay, because l am going to bet...
$800,000 on the line.
Okay?
Here we go.
Hey, doll-face, how about bringing me a little Lady Luck?
- Sure thing. - Well, no, not you.
Winner!
That's something.
All right.
Okay, here we go. Two number 64s...
and a 41.
Their 64 is supposed to be the best in the city.
Yeah? That 41 doesn't look bad.
Go to the potato bar when you're ready.
Who is the biggest threat to you in the tournament?
Me. lf l get drunk, fall down and hurt myself, l might lose. Sure, babe.
- What's your name? - Darlene.
- l'm in 1103. - Excuse me.
What's the story behind this paternity suit against you?
lt's not a case. The woman's a stone-faced liar.
Let's not talk about that. l pulled out of her really early on that one.
Sorry. Thanks for coming.
Hey!
The Munson.
Big Ern. Long time.
l'll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table.
l heard a horrible rumor.
Oh, creepy!
l'm sorry.
You know, for the first couple years...
l felt responsible.
How you been otherwise?
The last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by...
that l haven't thought about what l'd say to you if l ever ran into you again.
l bet. Hello.
Oh, my God. Claudia?
You two know each other?
lt's a small world when you got unbelievable tits.
Baby, we had some good times in Chicago.
l remember. l know you haven't forgotten.
- Him and you? The two of you together? - Why don't you quit slumming?
Come back to me. Let's try to make it work.
Let's try, really try. How about it?
l'd rather mop the floors at a peep show.
Oh, girl, you still got your great stuff.
Why don't you get the hell out of here? You ruined my life!
Are you still holding on to the anger? l said l was sorry. l meant it.
l remember that night too, and l don't remember anybody twisting your arm.
Oh, God! l just said "twisting your arm" to Munson. l can't wait to tell people--
Don't do it. He's just trying to lower you to his level.
Let me give you some advice. Stay away from this guy.
Give him a wide berth.
He's what is called a born loser...
a real Munson.
You!
You just shut up, mister! l don't know who you think you are...
but if you don't wiggle those childbearing hips out that door...
you're going to find your nose sniffing my big Amish ass!
l'm in 1103.
Thanks.
You okay?
l'm going to go after him, talk to him.
Boo.
You shouldn't have quit me.
Yeah? You shouldn't have hit me.
You think that hurt?
You wait and see what l do to your two friends.
Look, we both made mistakes.
l've got 42 grand right there. We can take off now.
Those guys are bugging me anyway.
l want to see those guys one more time.
They're not worth it. They're a couple of losers.
We can just take off right now.
l missed you.
You okay?
You're not taking a crap in the sink, are you?
lt's over.
lt's broken.
l think it's just sprained.
Okay. lt's broke.
Excuse me. Where is the lady who's staying here?
- She checked out already. - She left with a couple of guys.
Couple of guys? No. You mean you saw her with us, right?
No. These guys were good looking.
You got the bag, right?
- Tell me you got the bag. - Oh, yeah. Okay, relax.
Yeah, the bag's fine.
l gave it to Miss Claudia to hold.
Who are you calling a psycho?
l didn't say anything to you.
Are you okay?
Hi. How are you?
Remember me?
Yeah. From the crap table.
That's right. From the crap table.
And you're the big guy with the lucky dice, aren't you?
Oh, geez.
Boy, the two of you kind of look a little down on your luck.
- lf you only knew. - Geez, that's tough.
Look at George and Wheezie go.
What did that fat-ass model do with my lottery ticket?
Well, look, l've got a little proposition for you.
l'm all ears.
l will pay you $1 million to sleep with your friend here.
$1 million. One night. Cash.
l just throw that out. You two mull it over.
Get back to me. l'll be back here.
What's there to mull over?
Are you going to set that creep straight, or should l?
l'll handle this.
l said, are you all right?
l wish l'd have never trusted her. What was l thinking?
42 grand down the drain.
- She'll be back. - You're never going to see her again.
l happen to think you're wrong.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. The money we came to win is right here in Reno...
at a legitimate sporting contest where the best player wins...
because he's the best player, and we have the best player.
l'm listening.
We'll do what we set out to do. We'll win that tournament.
Yes! l knew...
you were a champion the minute l saw you bowl.
l'm not going to bowl. You are.
You are such a loser.
You're a bona fide schmuck. Look at me!
You can win that tournament.
You're a champion, and that never goes away.
lf you made it through the first few rounds, you'd find your touch again.
l'm Ernie McCracken.
When l found out Billy was growing up without a daddy, l had to do something.
When Big Ern saw us in the paper, he got involved with the Unified Fund.
l had to. l couldn't help myself.
But little Billy's not the only one. There's also little Jason here.
Once again, this year l'll be sponsoring a fatherless family...
in every city l bowl in.
Sometimes when l wake up in the morning, Mr. McCracken's already there.
Jonathan, run a fly pattern all the way to the goal line.
Tennessee!
Kentucky!
Find the meat!
Uh, deeper, Jonathan.
lt's a tough world. These kids nearly got Munsoned, but they're back now.
Through the Unified Fund, l found out...
that if you give a little, you can get back...
a whole lot more.
Hey, give me that. What are you doing?
lt's a young crowd. l don't recognize a single soul.
Welcome to my church.
lt's kind of intimidating to be in the presence of so many great athletes.
Hi. What's your name?
Munson, Roy E.
Seriously.
- Amateur or professional? - Professional.
We have a problem here.
Your dues are in arrears.
You haven't paid them since 1979.
How much is that going to cost me?
Dues times 16 years...
plus penalties plus interest...
equals $38.
Let's go. That's it.
Would you be willing to hold on to this till after the tournament?
Come on. What are we going to do with a rubber hand?
The ring.
Okay.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
The National Bowling Stadium, with the Silver Legacy Hotel and Casino...
would like to welcome everyone to the $1 Million...
Winner Take All...
Brunswick-Reno Open!
Please enjoy your stay here at our fabulous facility, and remember...
the Silver Legacy is the talk of the strip with our 22-topping potato bar.
Let's start the tournament!
That's the way!
All right!
You wouldn't happen to have a Phillips-head screwdriver, would you?
Never mind.
All right!
You know, lsh, l'm starting to feel like a winner again.
Okay, you scumbags. Now turn around and face the wall.
We have a Cinderella story shaping up here.
Roy Munson, the 1979 lowa State Amateur Champion...
has suddenly come out of nowhere with his bowling ball.
He is a major contender in this competition.
So, Roy, let me ask you. What have you been doing all these years?
Well, the-the-- After the hand, l--
No, there was the '80s.
You know, for a while, l--
Drinking.
Yeah. A lot of drinking.
Are you still drinking?
No, no, l don't. That's behind me now.
Why, are you buying?
...as the favorite for "Coach of the Year."
And now we're going live to the National Bowling Stadium...
in the Biggest Little City in the World, Reno, Nevada...
where ESPN is set to bring you final round coverage...
of the $1 Million Winner Take All Silver Legacy Reno Open.
What an incredible championship match we have in store for you today.
Ernie McCracken, a crafty veteran...
and, you know, a heck of a nice guy, goes against Roy Munson...
a promising young talent in the 1970s.
- Whatcha doin' in there? - Barfing.
Barfing?
Where do l keep getting "Munson" from?
Please rise for the National Anthem.
Have you been drinking again?
l don't puke when l drink.
l puke when l don't.
l'm scared.
Let's get ready to bowl!
Here come our two finalists.
Roy Munson has the most intimidating hook in all of bowling. Literally.
The fans in Reno have started calling him the Rubber Man...
because he bowls with a rubber prosthetic hand.
Take a look at the focus on Roy's face. He is ready for this match.
A nasty spill.
That's kind of embarrassing, in front of an audience like this.
Look at Ernie McCracken. A guy like Big Ern, with his panache and style...
has clearly done for bowling what Muhammad Ali did for boxing.
Wow. Take a look at that.
Have you, in 34 years of covering bowling, Chris, seen a ball like that?
ls that a rose?
lt appears to be. Clearly custom-made.
Ernie's got a heart of gold, but what an intimidator.
Go, Big Ern!
He looks for his spot. On the approach.
How about one more title, sweetness?
Look at that form. That left arm way out is an unusual style.
- Wow. Right off the bat. - Beautiful.
He delivers on the goods. Look at him pump up this crowd.
Roy looks a little nervous. lt is his first final in nearly 20 years.
Rubber Man takes the ball from his good left hand.
Notice how carefully he places it in the prosthetic hand.
- You have no idea, the pressure-- - Time out!
- Look at this! - Give me that handsome cheek!
l only got two!
- Give us a break. - Look at Big Ern.
Look at Big Ern. Calls her back.
How gallant is that?
This man's gonna win many political offices when his career is over.
A great role model for America's kids.
Atta boy, Luther!
Yes, a solid pocket hit.
Munson answers right back in Big Ern's face.
Hey, sport, Coca-Cola.
You betcha.
l got to make a phone call.
Could you put on ESPN, please?
Sure thing.
Come on, Roy.
- Yes! - Nice action.
This million-dollar championship match has reached the 10th frame.
Leading by nine pins, Roy Munson, shooting first on the right lane.
A strike here provides some breathing room.
The dreaded 7-10 split.
You know, Roy Munson has two chances to win this tournament now--
slim and none-- and slim may have just left town.
How true. ln bowling, there are 1,022 spare leads...
and this, the 7-10, is by far the most difficult.
Virtually impossible to convert.
There's no way to slide the 10 pin into the 7 and vice versa.
Oh, please! l can't look!
What are you doing here?
lt's time to go home.
l can't go home now. This is the 10th frame.
lf he makes this, he's going to make a million dollars and save the farm.
l have half a beer left. There's no way l'm going home. Over my dead body.
lt's time to go home now.
Oh, my God. He has done it.
Now if Roy can pick up one final strike...
it'll force Big Ern to roll three consecutive strikes to win.
With that spare, he's not slammed the door on Big Ern...
but he's put on quite a lot of pressure.
Where'd he go?
- Yes. - Rubber Man has gotten it done...
and now the pressure is squarely on Big Ern McCracken.
Trailing by 29 pins, he needs three consecutive strikes...
to win it all.
l need you now more than ever.
One strike down, two to go. You can cut this pressure with a knife.
That's two. There's two. His second.
Roy Munson is now forced to sit and watch.
lt has come down to this:
one ball, one strike...
$1 million.
And the loser gets nothing.
l'm magnificent! l'm the greatest!
l'm Big Ern! l'm the greatest!
A one-pin victory for Ernie McCracken.
Put it in the record books: 226 to 225.
Some lucky fan has a souvenir.
Big Ern, a million dollars. What are you going to do with it?
l don't know.
All l know is, l finally got enough money...
that l can buy my way out of anything.
l can do anything l want when l get my money later.
And l won!
Finally, Big Ern is above the law! lt's a great feeling.
You were so cool. Any pressure?
Where are those girls? Get those girls over here. Yeah, there was pressure.
l didn't want to get beat by a guy with a hook.
Does this mean that he gets a handicap?
l don't know. l'm rich. What do l care?
Tough luck.
- You bastard. - Where the hell is she?
- How should l know? She was with you. - She stole my money!
Welcome to the club.
l checked my phone records at the hotel.
She called that bastard, McCracken, 14 times in the last three days.
What the hell is your relationship to him?
Now stop it!
l'll tell you what my relationship is to him. He's the guy who gave me that.
Nice. ls that solid gold?
- The hand. - Big Ern was responsible for that?
Yeah.
l don't know. l used to think it was.
Now it's like you and Claudia.
You probably blame McCracken for screwing that up.
But l'll bet it's your own damn fault.
Let's go find McCracken.
Hey. Hey! What are you looking at?
You suck!
Go away. You'll get your rent money tomorrow.
l got the money.
You left us flat.
You dumped us when we needed you the most. You tricked us.
lf l'd have stuck with you, Stanley would've hurt you and lshmael.
What happened to McCracken?
l never went with him.
l just made those phone calls to throw Stanley off my scent...
and maybe give Big Ern a little payback.
84 grand.
We can split it three ways.
We only had half that.
Yeah. Well, uh...
we doubled it.
He bet against you.
But l'm ready to start betting on you.
Yeah, well, too late.
What?
Half a mil?
Trojan condoms. You know, Rubber Man.
All l have to do is a commercial...
show up at a couple trade shows and pharmacies...
and give a little talk at Vassar College orientation.
That's great.
Yeah. lt is great.
And this is only getting divided one way.
l can't face them.
l wanted to be the hero for once.
l wanted to be the one to save the day.
Brother, everyone knows you meant well.
What are you two doing here?
l'll tell you what they're doing here.
They came to tell us the truth about your trip.
They tell you everything?
Yes, Roy told us everything.
He told us about the booze and the lusting...
the late nights, the lying...
and the gambling.
And he told us how you got him to quit all that...
how you got Roy to straighten his life out and how you got...
Claudia to quit being so much of the whore that she is.
Roy told us how every time he wanted to quit, you wouldn't let him...
how you quoted the Scriptures to give him strength.
Yeah, son, he's told us everything.
And we're mighty proud of you.
What about the bank and the foreclosure?
That's all been taken care of by Brother Roy and Sister Claudia.
They put $500,000 in the bank.
Our troubles are over!
You guys!
l'm going to have to watch you two.
l knew you'd come back.
Thanks.
Thanks for everything.
You know that old centurion's faith thing...
about you saving the Amish people?
Well...
that was baloney.
lt wasn't them you were saving.
lt was me.
You lost me. What?
Come on. Everyone's waiting at the party.
They want to hear about the missionary work you did with Brother Munson.
Okay, Miss Rebecca. Bye.
Bye, lsh.
Hey, Roy.
l have something for you.
Wow.
You got it working.
Yeah. l wound it.
Oh, it has a winder?
Well, look at that. A little ladybug.
You should make a wish.
All right.
You know what l wished for?
What?
Bye, Brother Munson. Bye, whore.
Cut!